|Friday, November 28th, 2008|
|Wednesday, May 12th, 2004|
| PFC. England has also strengthened the theory that neanderthals still walk the earth.
Embattled PFC Lynndie England told interviewers today that her superiors ordered her to pose for the controversial Iraqi abuse photos, including to smile as she pointed at a tortured victim's genitalia. She wouldnt disclose anything else. Ms. England is scheduled for an appearance on Jerry Springer later this week.****
Texas- In a new wrinkle in the internet age, a street gang and its rival organized a fight by broadcasting its location and time on the web. Yes now you can post your profile and meet new thugs with Cripster!
the online community for all homeboys.****
it has been reported that the mother of Donnie Osmond has died. Of shame. Current Mood: hopeful
|Sunday, May 9th, 2004|
Current Mood: geeky
Did you miss me?
Yes I missed you
Where the hell have you been?ElCuco:
In a comaGod:
I've had to watch MSNBC for my news!God:
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MUCH MSNBC SUCKS?ElCuco:
Gosh thanks. Glad I was missedGod:
haha I didnt miss youGod:
Just glad I have someone to pick on other than DubyaGod:
Heh. I hate you DillGod has raised your warning level. It is now at 5%
How the hell did I get in the LJ "crossdressing" community? Wow I HAVE been out of it. Current Mood: confused
*Cuco woke up in the hospital surrounded by men in white coats. As none of his muscles had been used in months he couldnt obtain the strength to open his eyes. "Can you tell me your name"? he heard one say. "My name is Cuco" He groaned.
"What the hell happened? I have to go. I need to catch up on the current event that shape our world"*******
alleges that Mary-Kate Olsen has shrunk down to 99 lbs in an anorexic spell in order to redeem her individuality from her twin sister.
Are they 18 yet or what? Geez.******
Our 2003 Person Of the Year Anna Nicole Smith
has made a comeback after losing over 30 pounds. To quote the movie Christine
, "ya cant polish a turd"******
Oh geez...*reading up on everything that has happened in the past few months* I'm fucking behind!
For those who read this, I'm back. Current Mood: rejuvenated
|Thursday, February 12th, 2004|
BOSTON- after six hours of debate, Massachusetts Lawmakers rejected a proposed bill that sought to legalize civil unions in the state. Upon hearing the results, thousands of Jesus Freaks got down on their knees and wept with joy.
not surprisingly the gay rights people were weeping too, but they didnt have to get on their knees, they were already on them.
Speaking of Gender bending, We here at ElCuco's Livejournal want to give a shout out to Senator Hillary Clinton tonight. For we have just learned that she placed 24 in Men's Journal's 25 Toughest Guys In America list. Congrats Hillary! You rough n' tough man you!
Her husband had no comment. Current Mood: awake
|Tuesday, February 10th, 2004|
According to a new finding, Dr. Robert Atkins, founder of the popular low-carb Atkins Diet
was obese when he died.
Yes, the guy who has burdened us with breadless burgers that come in bowls, crustless pizzas that are eaten with straws, and burritos wrapped in lettuce was a 258-lb fatass. He also had suffered from a heart attack and had a hytpertension condition. Maybe that all-beef diet really ISNT the way to go huh Bob?*****
Earlier this week we reported that Terri Carlin, a devout Christian was suing CBS, MTV and Viacom for the infamous Janet Jackson boob...thing.
Now she has announced that she is dropping the suit. She claims that she has made her point, but sources say Ms. Jackson got ahold of Mrs. Carlin's son's preschool and gave the address to Michael.*****
Diva singer Diana Ross has pleaded no contest to driving under the influence and has been ordered to spend two days in jail.
Gee....heheh....do you think it was a CRIME OF PASSION????
AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA GET IT? ONE OF HER SONG TITLES IS CRIME OF PASSION
eh. heheheh. heh. mm.Sorry. Current Mood: sad
|Saturday, February 7th, 2004|
|Osama finally signs on
Osama Signed On At 5:39AMOsamaBL:
Guess who is backOsamaBL:
Bin Laden is backElCuco:
Tell a friendElCuco:
So wassap? Did you watch the superbowl?OsamaBL:
watch it? Nigga I was THEREElCuco:
fourth row! Nobody saw me! They were too busy looking at the Jackson booby!ElCuco:
Oh. My. God.ElCuco:
Well who were you rooting for?OsamaBL:
New England Biatch! Patriots all the way!ElCuco:
Heh, that's ironic that your team is called "The Patriots"OsamaBL:
what is Ironic?ElCuco:
nm. But hey your English skills seem to be improving.OsamaBL:
Thank you! I have been watching the BET Network!
The New York Times reports that the Central Park Zoo in New York features a same-sex couple of penguins. Gay Penguins. Hmm. Well that could open up a whole new debate on homosexuality if it werent for the fact that EVERY FUCKING PENGUIN IN THE WORLD LOOKS EXACTLY THE SAME. I mean do you think the two penguins KNOW that their partner is a dude?
I think I saw some fruity squirrels getting it on in my backyard. I cant be sure what their genders were but they were
both holding their nuts.
In a new wrinkle in the most titilating superbowl scandal ever, a Tennesee woman is suing CBS, MTV, and the NFL for billions of dollars regarding the horrific damages she suffered from seeing Janet Jackson's right breast pop out.
That's right, Accountant and devoted Christian Terri Carlin claims that she is owed a lot of money for having to witness Janet's titty.
HER FILTHY FILTHY TITTY. SHAME ON JANET JACKSON FOR HAVING A BREAST! SHAME ON ALL WOMEN AND THEIR BOOBIES.
Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld has ordered an investigation on many male coalition forces soldiers after a group of female ones said they were sexually assaulted in Iraq.
A representative for the male soldiers defended the charges claiming "Hey, all the camels were too loose"
California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has okayed the first execution of a death row inmate since he took office last october.
Not surprisingly, Arnold plans to force him to watch Kindergarten Cop until the convict shoots himself.
|Friday, February 6th, 2004|
Jury selection should be like the reality show The Bachelor
. If the lawyer chooses you to serve then he should hand you a rose. Luckily I got voted off the island. I spent the entire day lounging on a couch listening to U2. Jury duty rocks!
|Wednesday, February 4th, 2004|
Well Tomorrow I have jury duty. I will most likely end up sitting in a dank waiting room for hours and nothing will happen. But what if...
What if i get chosen for a capital murder case? What if the fate of one man's life in put into my hands?
I say fry his ass. I'm hungry.
|*other* presidential candidates
So much has been focused on the main presidential candidates running for office. There's your Incumbent, George W Bush, and the handful of his democrats trying to oust him.
But what of the rest of the people running for the position of our new Commander and Chief? Luckily We here at ElCuco's Livejournal have a lot of time on our hands so that we can present to you: THE OTHER CANDIDATES.Jackson Kirk GrimesUnited Fascist Party
Jackson Kirk Grimes is an ex-Shakespearian actor. He became the president of the United Fascist Union in 1998. He ran for office before in the 2000 election but somehow lost. Mr. Grimes stands strongly on the issues of overthrowing our capitalist society. In his spare time Jackson enjoys celebrating his pagan religion and eating won ton soup.Gordon Lee AndersonParty Affiliation Unknown.
(possibly the bad toupee party?)
Gordon Lee Anderson has no political experience, but has taught art at several community colleges in the past few years. His stands firmly on the government increasing funding to medical research. Apparently for hair restoration. Michael J. BadnarikLibertarian Party
Michael J. Badnarik is a congressman from Texas. I checked his district, it consists of two towns, thirty miles from eachother and both with a population of under 9,000. He must have a lot of free time because he was also a Scoutmaster for the Boy Scouts of America. Plus he wears a cool tie. Vote for Michael J. Badnarik!Michael J. BayThe National Barking Spider Resurgence Party
K first I had to find out what the fuck the The National Barking Spider Resurgence Party was. Here is their mission statement off of their web page:The National Barking Spider Resurgence Party believes that truth in government is poobah -- the Democraps certainly do -- but unlike our Democrap and Republican't counterparts, we will at least be honest about it.
Mr Bay has no political experience, but DID run before in 2000. I think back then his organization was called the Green Party.Mr. Jacques Yves 'Chief Jack' BoulericeNative American Party
How. I am Chief Jack. I run for President. I have turned to the Spirits of the Moon. They say it is time. I have spoken to the Spirits of the Earth. They tell me to support the repeal of campaign finance reform. I have spoken to the spirits of Arkham Asylum. They tell me that I am not Native American. I not know why.Randy Wayne SutherlandUnited Christian Party.
Randy Wayne Sutherland represents a party whose mission is to reinstate Puritanical Christian values to America. Mr. Sutherland has an eighth-grade education and swears that he is not drunk.******
That's all for now, more Other Candidates to come! Their message MUST be gotten out there to the people!!!
| Confucious say: Tuesday primary is Supa happy fun time!
Yesterday's huge presidential primary proved to be an interesting one. General Clark
won Oklahoma. I did not know they even KNEW how to vote in that state. Sen. John Edwards
won his home state of South Carolina. But the big winner here is once again John Kerry
. he "kerryied" five state wins, proving once again that a little botox injection will work wonders.
In a statement earlier today, Kerry said that he "is stunned by his success". Ohhh man...What if I do win?? I'M FUCKED!!!
Dean has proven himself to be completely insane in the past few weeks with his screwing up of words (kinda like dubya huh?) and crazy screaming that would make Charles Manson recoil in horror. He did not win shit yesterday. Not even North Dakota.
Poor Joe Lieberman
. he cant seem to catch a break. first he's legitimately elected vice president in 2000 but doesnt get it, now he has been forced to leave the race. Oy Ve!
Right now he's probably sitting in a shitty bar with carol mosely braun
and dick gephart
pounding shots of Stoli and wondering why they didnt become doctors.********TAIWAN- Keep your sperm from exploding.
The busy downtown Taiwanese city of Taiman smells horrible right now because a 56-foot sperm whale carcass exploded while being transported on the back of a truck. the boom apparently littered the streets with whale innards. The body was said to rupture because of gas buildup within the inside of the corpse.
Hey at least the people got a free meal.
|Tuesday, February 3rd, 2004|
|Bring me to life.
WE CAN REBUILD HIM. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY. WE CAN MAKE HIM BIGGER. FASTER. BETTER THAN BEFORE.*******ElCuco Signed on at 5:30AMDubya:
Where in the heckfire have y'all been??Dubya:
I have no idea what in tarnation is goin ON in the world!ElCuco:
Sorry. I was in a comaDubya:
Acoma? what country is that?Dubya:
Did they detain you?? I'll bomb them!*******
Well I'm back and what a time to make a re-entry! Everything from John Kerry winning state caucuses to Justin Timberlake ripping off a Jackson's clothes instead of the other way around.
Yes, yesterday's Superbowl was a huge upset, not the game itself, but the superbowl halftime show in which Timberlake performed a sexy duet with Jacko's hot sister Janet. As if the Jackson family doesnt have enough problems already, over 140 million people saw her boob when he ripped off her blouse. Timberlak later apologized, calling the infraction a "wardrobe malfunction". haha. That's like a fat guy blaming his obesity on a glandular problem. Anyway, thanks for making this year's halftime show the breast
After being caught with marijuana possession last week, Al Gore's son has been sentenced to undergo drug counseling.
In a related story, Al Gore is being strongly urged to start smoking weed.
|Sunday, January 25th, 2004|
|whoo ees your dahhdy and whaat does he do?
I'm at work. I just got a Celebrity Crank Call
In casey you dont know...celebrity crank calls are those crank calls people make with actors' soundbites...like Al Pacino calling up deli's and spewing lines from his movies. I got one from "Jack Black".
Me: Thank you for calling @@@@ how may I direct your call?
Crank: SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Crank: oh fuck my ass what else...
Me: (starting to realize that this is a jack black soundbyte thing) Heheheh.
Crank: I LOOOVVVVE YOU MAN!
Me: I love you too Jack!
Crank: I like to play nintendo
Me: (now laughing hysterically) I love these things
Then a guy came on and started laughing with me. He confessed to the prank and I commended him on trying out Jack Black.
Damn. I should have played dumb. I could have ended up on the internet, the butt of a huge joke that geeks everywhere could enjoy.
|Thursday, January 22nd, 2004|
Oh no. OH DEAR GOD NO!
BEN AND J-LO BROKE UP??!?!?
yes, publicists say that Jennifer Lopex wanted to have un bebe but Ben Affleck wasnt ready to be a padre.
NASA reports that they have lost contact with the Mars Spirit Rover. heh, maybe it DID find the chick with the three boobs and left its phone off the hook.
| Dubya signed on at 3:46AM
With the the important Iowa Caucus issue at bay (Kerry won) the candidates are focusing on the next big state: New Hampshire. Will the loose cannon Dean
take the state? Let's keep in touch. Myself? I will be looking forward to the big CALIFORNIA vote.
I missed Bush's State of the Union
speech because I have a NEW sex life, but from what I discern, Bush defended his stance of iraq, saying that instead of "weapons of mass destruction", Iraq had "programs of making them. Right. ********
DO NOT ROB A STORE WHERE THEY KNOW YOU- Megan Whittakar has apparently been caught for robbing a store that she frequents. She has also applied for a job there in which she supplied her name, address and phone number. Good Job Meg.********Dubya:
aww yer still a mean feller.********
Singer Art Garfunkle has been charged with pot posession. Authorities are considering releasing him based on the fact that they pity him for still having the afro from 1978.
|Wednesday, January 21st, 2004|
XXXStacySlut: Hey sexy :) I just turned 18. cum see me and friends get naughty on my webcam
Who is this?ElCuco:
Who is this?ElCuco:
Who are you?ElCuco:
Tell me your name!ElCuco:
I'll sign off!ElCuco:
WHO ARRRE YOOOUUUU?ElCuco:
FOR GOD'S SAKE TELL ME YOUR NAAAME!your warning level has been increased. It is now 10%ElCuco(10%):
WHO IS THAT?ElCuco(10%):
OH DEAR SWEET MERCY WHAT IS GOING ON??ElCuco(10%):
OK that's it i'm gonna sign off!ElCuco(10%):
I'm signing off!ElCuco(10%):
OK I'M REACHING FOR THE SIGN OFF BUTTON!ElCuco(10%):
I MEAN IT!
ElCuco signed off at 2:34PM Current Mood: frustrated
|Tuesday, January 20th, 2004|
Kerry won Iowa. I'm going on vacation for now and I'll be back later. Current Mood: pissed off